The struggle to get along with those closest to us

As human beings we are often forced into situations we have little control over. Being in any difficult relationship can be tough, but when it’s with family members it can often be the hardest to deal with, because they’re connected to us in such complicated, intimate ways. 

Growing up into adult life can involve realising that we have fundamentally different ways of seeing the world from our parents or siblings. Our parents may have been brought up in another culture, or might have different ideas about what “good” life choices are. Some families may not accept our sexual orientation or identity. We may feel angry, hurt or confused about things that happened when we were small. Or we might have in-laws or be part of a step or “blended” family, which might be emotionally pressured and not always comfortable. 

Reflecting on the narratives of our upbringings and our complex feelings towards family members can be the first step towards separating ourselves from some of the intense feelings around the relationships. Working on acceptance that we cannot change difficult family members, while also learning to be assertive and make boundaries when we need to, can be useful skills and considerations. Finding ways to accept both yourself, and the circumstances, can lead to new ways of seeing relationships that have a difficult past.